by Carmen Van Kerckhove

Watercooler is the section of the blog in which we share with you real-life horror stories from the frontlines of race in the workplace. This week, we have a story from Melinda:

I am a white woman who has worked with one particular white woman for the past eleven years. I have identified her as Woman A in the following story.

My office sits on the other side of the wall of Woman A. Last Thursday following an afternoon phone call received in the office, I heard Woman A say (rather loudly) to a new co-worker across the hall, “I can’t understand a word they’re saying,” A few minutes later, the phone rings again, and the new co-worker (whom I’ll refer to as Woman B) answers the phone. At this point, Woman B replies to Woman A by saying, “Why can’t they just speak English?”

At this point, I already had an idea of where this conversation might be going, and my blood began to come to a simmering point. Woman A is notorious for opening her mouth without a thought as to what is coming out of it, whether that be in appropriate time, place, subject, company or otherwise.

I missed the first few words of what Woman A said next, but the words that followed were more than I needed to hear - when she said “towel head”. I swear that my blood pressure went up so fast I could feel myself burning up all over with the rage I felt at her ignorance behind her words. Woman B then asks Woman A, “What’s that, a farmer?”

I got up from my desk to go shut the door to my office. As I was doing this, I heard Woman A come out of her office to go to Woman B and explain exactly what she meant by her “towel head” reference at which point they both began to laugh hysterically.

I literally felt sick to my stomach. Unfortunately, my boss was out that day or his office would have been the next place I went. We’re a small office of 8 - one man, seven women (all white except for one woman who is buddies with Woman A). We’re a non-profit statewide professional membership association. Woman A has been with this organization several years longer than I have.

This is not the first time she has done something like this. Three years or so ago, she did something very similar and I went directly to my boss to address this, as we do not have a HR department and I have no where else to go with these things. I told our boss what Woman A had said on that occasion. I went onto explain to our boss how deeply offended I was on this particular occasion with the racist/bigoted comments that Woman A had made.

I also shared that this had bothered me for years. This was the first time I had said anything to our boss directly. I said that I found Woman A’s behavior disgusting, embarassing and completely inappropriate/unacceptable. I said that I had about two minutes before I went head to head with Woman A about this or the boss could take care of it. I never did confront Woman A, and I’m not sure that the boss ever did either.

However, Woman A’s behavior and racist language has become accepted as such, I feel, just because Woman A has been there for so long that people just think that’s the way Woman A is so oh well. I communicated to the boss in my annual review (on more than one occasion) about Woman A’s racist attitude/language, and disrespect for myself in any way possible. I told the boss that Woman A made the environment at work both highly toxic and hostile. I shared for several years in a row that I was not being paid to tolerate racist bigotry from Woman A and felt like I was being expected to do so. This I found unacceptable.

Four years ago, the organization I work for created a “Diversity Committee”, at which point my boss came to me and told me that I was being assigned as the staff liaison to this committee because (in my boss’ words), I was “the only one who could handle it the right way.” This committee has been a very dynamic group of individuals whom I’ve had the pleasure of working with and will be truly one thing I will miss.

It won’t come as a surprise then to also share that I also put in my resignation with the boss. It is not the job, for that I love. The main impetus behind my doing so is my boss and his lack of involvement in such matters and the fact that I cannot stand, let alone stomach, the thought of working with Woman A for one more day. I won’t stand for that any more and feel as if by staying there, that’s exactly what I would be doing.

Please email team@raceintheworkplace.com if you’d like to send in a story, put “watercooler” in the subject line, and let us know what name we should use for you. Pseudonyms and first names are totally fine. You can read more Watercooler stories here.